Keep'n It Real and Prayer.

I spent many years doing my own thing, following my own agenda and turning my back to God. He was always in the back of my mind, the seed was in my heart, but it had yet to flourish. It wasn't until the last handful of years that the seed really started to blossom and I got cozy with the Lord. Nobody wants to be a "jerk for Jesus." The schmuck that crams their faith down others' throats, effectively alienating the individual and shutting down any chance you truly had to show them what Christianity really means. But man, day after day I run into people and think "you are missing out." That being said, I am pledging to be more transparent. Take it or leave it, no judgment is meant by it. These are my thoughts, struggles and minor epiphanies. 

Prayer has always been a bit of a stumbling block for me. I use to worry that my words weren't eloquent enough, or I rambled, or that I even bored God. I also have a tendency to get sidetracked mid-thought. My stomach will grumble and I will think "what's for dinner," "have I changed the laundry" or "did I close the garage door?" I'm like a pigeon distracted by a drifting plastic bag. The funny thing is, there are no secrets with God. He knows what's in our heart, or what is running through our mind, before we are even able to piece it together ourselves. Why did I spend so much time worrying how He would receive my words? There are no pretenses, no need to impress with sentence structure or break out the thesaurus. No need to make small talk or catch him up on the background; He is right there with us all day, every day- fully caught up on the story line. It has been so liberating to "check in" with Him while in the car, while waiting in line at the DMV or when we get the oh-so-coveted quiet moment to ourselves. 

As for praying in front of others, I am still a 15 year old girl sweating profusely and dizzy, about to get up in front of the class and give a report on "The Effects of Minerals on Plant Growth." Baby steps :-)

Ask and Ye Shall Receive.

Five months ago I asked to be humbled. I asked God to rid us of the riff raff and static clouding our life. I wanted to live simpler, quieter, healthier. I asked Him to open our hearts and draw us closer to Him. I asked for Him to use us for His glory.

Fast-forward to March. We have to relocate in the next few months so I have started going through all of our things. Moving out of our last home was a whirlwind, and as such our items look as though they were packed by a gang of drunken monkeys. The disheveled boxes have been mostly untouched; stacked haphazardly in the basement of my parent's home. Each box is a strange journey back to what already feels like a different life. Back then I coveted every piece. Every vase, every chair, every throw pillow, I had to have. I poured over Pottery Barn catalogs and earned frequent flyer miles at the Restoration Hardware outlet. At night I cruised the Macys website and compiled a bloated closet full of clothing. But it was never enough; I was an insatiable consumer. Every item was an attempt to fill a void. We hated our jobs, rarely saw each other and were exhausted from the rat race.

Today when I remove items from the sea of boxes, I feel nearly nothing. The stuff that I couldn't live without has lost its grasp on me. I can't remember half of the things stashed away, and we haven't called upon them in the last three months so clearly we don't need them.

I am a different girl, or at least I'm starting to become one. Like an addict, stress drudges up the desire. Yesterday was a doosie. I got a flat tire, the sale contract on our land fell through, and I have been having a bear of a time finding a place for us to live in our New Home Town. Compound that with the fact that I haven't seen my hubby in over three weeks (the longest we have ever been apart) and I was jonseing for a high. I found myself at the outlet mall. My eyes widened at the sight of buttery leather purses, my nostrils flared at the smell of new shoes nestled neatly in their boxes and my fingers slid from item to item with the familiar sound of clanging wooden hangers. Red "clearance" stickers tugged at me like magnets. But you know what? The exorbitantly expensive bag that I walked around the store with for 15 minutes did not come home with me. If justifying things was a sport, I would be the national champion. "My current bag isn't big enough"..."my birthday is right around the corner"..."it is like half off!." In the end, driving home bagless, I felt great.

Fast-forward again to tonight. I have been growing more and more desperate as finding a rental property, let alone one that allows pets, in NHT is nearly impossible. The ones that do allow pets, wellllllll let's just say they are outside of my comfort zone and for some reason they ALL come furnished (circa 1970). To make matters worse the rent on any of these places is more than what we paid per month on our last mortgage. It stings. And the clock is ticking down. I can no longer drag my feet. I have been wrestling with this since Husband accepted the job. But tonight I had an epiphany. I asked to be humbled. I asked to live simpler. Apparently when I asked for these things, I was like a celebrity committing to a social cause in an interview; I said the words but meant them on my own terms. God knows better. We are embarking on an amazing, scary, stressful journey. We really need the least amount of complication, clutter and distraction surrounding us as possible. It is a dwelling to shelter us from the weather- it serves its purpose. End of story. As I said, I am a work in progress.

New Year's Resolution...Fail.

Yep, I'll say it: I failed. I totally did. I happen to have lost about 6 pounds since January 1, but mostly due to stress and a busy schedule this last 6 weeks.


Well, we are bound to fail from time to time. Or at least I am. All we can do is pick ourselves up, forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and give it another go. My problem was total lack of motivation. I knew I needed to work out to shed some extra fluff and for my health but when it came down to it, that wasn't enough. That is how I went from being super fit to feeling like a bear fit for hibernation.

I dropped my husband off at the airport three days ago. I am scheduled to visit him in about 7 weeks so I intend to make my time count. I want a big reveal. I want to step off the plane feeling like a fox again. My goal is to shed 20 pounds. I know it's ambitious, but it is also completely doable. So here is the updated run down:

Workout 6 days per week. I find that I benefit from a "cheat day." It motivates me the rest of the week and lets me forgive myself when I just don't get a workout in after a long day.

• Run on the elliptical for 1 hour. If I were chased by an animal I would probably die. Let me run in front of trash TV and I can go for days. What does that say about me?
• Arm/chest workout: 10 reps, 3 sets of arm kickbacks, 10 reps, 3 sets of chest presses, 10 reps, 3 sets of reverse flys.
• Core workout: 10 reps, 3 sets of ball crunches, 10 reps, 3 sets of squat and reaches.
• Thigh/butt/calf workout: 10 reps, 3 sets of standing wall squats
• Stretch.

Diet. I have not eaten gluten in about four years. There are many very tasty gluten free products that mimic "normal" items such as bread, doughnuts and crackers. When I think back to when I felt the best physically I ate almost exclusively a paleolithic diet (before it was "cool" ;). My body doesn't really like grains, nuts or dairy. I plan to revert to that menu of items and see how it makes me feel after 7 weeks. I also plan to make sure I get in my 8 servings of h20 per day. A few rings of lemon usually helps me accomplish this.

Motivation. I will weigh myself once per week. I plan to indulge in a workout magazine or piece of workout clothing as I meet milestones. They motivate me and keep me pumped up about working out.

I'll keep ya posted!

-M

We're Not in Kansas Anymore.

I put my dear hubby on a plane today. I won't get to see him for 7 weeks which seems like a lifetime.

In other news: we have begun the process of purchasing a home in our new town. This marks our fourth real estate purchase so we assumed that we knew what to expect. Wrong. We are finding out that purchasing property in a small town is a completely different animal. For starters our town has exactly one realtor. We also discovered that you won't find any of the available homes on an MLS. Homes are sold essentially for sale by owner which is making the process tricky from another state. Currently there are about a dozen homes to choose from. We defiantly aren't in Kansas anymore :-)

Ranting a Tad.

People like to tell my husband and I that we got married young. What they really mean is “too young.” A statement that pisses me off because: 1.) marriage is hard work no matter what age you are, 2.) it implies that we missed out on something because we didn’t sleep with a bunch of other people and 3.) we’re rounding our 5^th wedding anniversary and I still consider my husband my best friend. 

I guess I’m reflecting on this because we just wrapped up an intensive (read: invasive) background investigation for my husband’s new career, and because he is going to be gone for 16 weeks at a training academy- by far the longest we’ve been apart since the day we met. As it gets closer to the day I have to put him on a plane, I am trying to mask how bummed I am. I am bummed that he won’t be around to make me laugh, to snuggle and bummed that I can’t take care of him. 

We aren’t perfect by any means. We bicker, we drive each other crazy at times, and we defiantly don’t share all the same hobbies.  People whispered at our wedding that we wouldn’t last. Even some of our close family members weren’t supportive. While peoples’ judgment aggravates me, the irony is that I feel so blessed sometimes I feel guilty. Some people go their whole lives without finding someone to share the journey with. The truth is I don’t deserve my husband. He is a better person than I am plain and simple. But for whatever reason the Lord has placed him in my life and I feel blessed to walk by his side. Wherever the Lord sends us, whatever mountains we have to climb, we will do it together.

Why?

Whenever I mention moving (especially to where we are thinking) people always ask "why?" with a surprised look. This catches me off guard because 1) I don't find there to be anything particularly spectacular about where we live and 2) I find it to be a prying question (kind of right up there with "are you pregnant?") I scramble for an answer that will please the family member/friend/acquaintance. Stupid I know, why should I care? But I've never been accused of seeking out confrontation. It has, however, caused me to search my soul a little for an answer. Not a cute, neatly packaged explanation for others, but a raw answer to rest my head on at night. I'm in my mid 20's and everything I have EVER done has been safe and well planned. While my friends traveled the world, moved away and did things simply for fun I was busy working on my "master plan." I worked full time through college at jobs I hated- I gritted my teeth and looked towards my goal. When I finished my degree I found myself no further ahead and unclear where to go next. We bought, remodeled and sold two homes. On the other hand, our married friends are settling down and having kids. Something we would love to do, but doesn't seem to be it the cards for us. We are left in a weird middle ground, unable to find our place. I don't regret a thing; I am married to my best friend. We were high school sweethearts and marrying Husband, despite opposition from everywhere we turned, was the smartest thing I ever did. He has been my rock this year as everything else went awry. So here it is: we are moving because we want to. Moving because we are ready to find a place that is only ours and can build our own memories, plant our roots and flourish. We are moving because we want to spend more time outside doing the things we love instead of stuck at work in an urban jungle. We are moving because in a place like this you inevitably get sucked into keeping up with the Joneses. We are moving because we want our children, should we be blessed with any, to be able to drink in fresh air and run free like we did when we were small. We are moving because we can and don't want to look back with any regrets.

I feel like somewhere along the way I lost my spirit. I remember the girl I use to be. The girl that got dirty, built forts and wanted to be a pioneer. The girl with messy blond curls pushed behind her ears and toes frozen like popsicles because she was having too much fun in the snow to go inside. I miss her and intend to hut that chick down. 

-M

It's All Fun and Games Till the Timeline Gets Cut in Half.

Sooooo today was all excitement. 

Me: Lalalala I have all the time in the world. We are moving in 8 months. Snow is fun and shopping for a home is extra funsies! Kittens and puppies and lollipops.

(4 hours later I find out I have been wrong all along and we have to move in 4 months. My husband has to go to a second training camp for another 4 months at a later date.)

Me: Ohhhhhhhhhh my goodness. Oh my goodness, oh-ho my goodness. Where the frack are we going to live? How are we going to move our stuff? I have no warm clothing. This is why I am freaking out:

We aren't moving just anywhere. Our new home town requires some consideration. 

We are leaving our city of of about 100,000 people behind and moving to a town of just over 4,000. I am excited about this. We specifically wanted to live in a cozier community where we could get to know our neighbors. We wanted to live somewhere where we can connect with a small congregation. I also look forward to the community activities that seem to take place monthly. How cute is that??

The temperature in our new town dips down to 17 degrees Fahrenheit in the winter and receives over 300 inches of snow per year. Have I ever mentioned that I am an amphibian? I must be because I am ALWAYS cold. The extreme climate will require an entirely different wardrobe then we are use to. I am notorious for dashing out of the house without a coat in the pouring rain. It is no longer a matter of comfort, but actual safety. 

There is one grocery store. My husband has reported that it is well stocked, but due to the isolation a lot of the perishable items that we are use to are not available or pricey ($10 for a gallon of milk for example. Good thing we like soy). Most people drive to the nearest city (about 5 hours away) periodically to stock their pantries with bulk staples. I loooooves me some Costco. It has been suggested that we purchase a small cargo trailer to hitch to our SUV.

 

We have dogs. This wont just be an adjustment for us, our four-legged family members are in for quite a shock. With so much snow we have to consider where they do their "business" and how to keep them safe and happy with the mercury so low.  

At just 4 miles wide, ATVs or snow machines are common forms of transportation. Locals suggest having at least one of these. Well if they twist my arm :)

The actual act of moving is going to be quite an event. Our items will have to be shipped by either cargo container on a barge, or ferry. Makes you think twice about what we will send since space (and weight) are at a premium. 

 

I'll keep ya posted as I sort through this. 

 

-M