Hybernation and Hyperventilating.

I have literally been hibernating because we got like a foot of snow (which is enough to shut this town down). Schools have been closed which means no work for me. We got some semi-exciting news this week. More so an excitement teaser. We have been talking, scheming, planning,confiding, dreaming and envisioning the next chapter in our life for sooooo long. Now that it is finally beginning all I can think is "oh $#!+, this is for real." I think I've mentioned before that I suck at surprises. Call me a control freak if you want, but I like to plan. It makes me feel sane. Having our fate up in the air like this is defiantly pushing me to grow past my comfort zone. The scariest part of change is that there is the possibility of failure. We could fall flat on our faces and have no one to blame but ourselves. I feel like we are hemorrhaging money and it could all be in vain. Then what? We don't have a plan B. I don't want to have a plan B. I can't even imagine anything that would pail in comparison to plan A. In fact, this is probably the first time in or marriage that we have had a clear idea of what we want (other than each other). The only option is success. Damn desire opens the door for disappointment. I try to not get invested,try not to think about what could be, but who can help it? I am trying to be quiet and listen. I am trying to be patient and trust in God; my heart knows that He has my back, but my head has a tendency to run wild and over think things. My head gets caught up on the "what ifs" and the list of bills. I try to figure out what He has in store for us before it unfolds (probably a symptom of my incessant Law and Order watching). This week I'm praying to be still and for resilience if next week doesn't go the way we hope it does. -M