Waiting to Exhale.

I'm restless. We want this so badly and I'm trying to lie to myself that I don't care either way. I'm trying to listen. Trying to be obedient. But I can't help but feel like I'm talking to myself. I'm not asking for easy, I'm simply praying for the opportunity. Am I being selfish? Am I just not hearing Him? It's not a matter of trust, I just feel like I'm grasping for something in the dark. Am I way off base? If this isn't what is meant for us then what was the point of the last year? Waiting to exhale.

-M